


Take Away The Wi-Fi: We Have A Telepath

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: 'Shit', ? - Freeform, Avengers Family, Betty Blipped, Cassie Lang Blipped, Chaotic Avenger Kids, Cooper Barton Blipped, Flash Thompson Blipped, Gen, Gwen Stacy Blipped, Harley Keener Didn't Blip, Humor, I wrote this in class, Just Stupid Shit, Lila Barton Blipped, Lila Swearing, MJ Blipped, Mentions of Basically Every MCU Character I Can Think Of, Miles Morales Blipped, Natasha Survived, Ned Blipped, No romo, Peter Parker Blipped, Shuri Blipped, Snap Changes, Social Media, Spoilers: It's Been Forever, Texting, The Mary Janes (band), blog fic, text fic, tony survived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: This is what happens when you stick the ADHD and sleep deprived kid in a classroom where they've finished all their work, and have nothing to do.It's a group chat.
Relationships: Cooper Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Lila Barton & Cassie Lang, Lila Barton & Cooper Barton, Lila Barton & Harley Keener & Cassie Lang & Peter Parker & Shuri, Lila Barton & Peter Parker, Miles Morales & Peter Parker & Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker & Shuri
Comments: 6
Kudos: 206





	1. Part I

**Wanda added Shuri.**

**Wanda added Lila.**

**Wanda added Cooper.**

**Wanda added Cassie.**

**Wanda added Peter.**

**Wanda added Harley.**

**Wanda named the chat ‘NEW AVENGERS’.**

**Lila:** i accept this.

**Cooper:** Just why?

**Wanda:** Because.

**Peter:** hi

**Harley:** sup

**Lila:** hi

**Cooper:** bye

**Lila:** COOPER!!!

**Cooper:** 😊

**Shuri:** you all suck

**Lila:** why?

**Shuri:** It’s two in the morning in Wakanda

**Wanda:** So?

**Lila:** why u txting then?

**Shuri:** not the point

**Shuri:** to early for this

**Peter:** hi guys

**Lila:** where were u?

**Peter:** patrol

**Lila:** o

**Lila:** you dead yet?

**Peter:** bitch

**Cassie:** whats this for?

**Wanda:** Planning behind the adults backs.

**Cassie:** oooooh

**Cassie:** k

**Shuri:** im sleeping

**Shuri:** go away

**Cooper:** Just put your phone on silent

**Shuri:** shut up

**Peter:** mood

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Lila:** guys

**Lila:** guys

**Lila:** guys

**Cassie:** Lila wut

**Cooper:** Ignore her, she’s excited.

**Harley:** about what

**Lila:** GUYS

**Cassie:** hi Harley

**Harley:** hi Cassie

**Lila:** GUYS!!! ANSWER ME!!

**Peter:** here

**Shuri:** its late, go away

**Wanda:** Lila, just say it

**Cooper:** We’re moving to NYC.

**Lila:** f you cooper

**Lila:** jerk

**Cooper:** You took too long!

**Peter:** wait, wut?

**Cooper:** Dad has work there, so we’re moving there for school and stuff.

**Peter:** what school?

**Lila:** midtown tech

**Peter:** that’s my school!

**Lila:** yea

**Lila:** we know

**Peter:** how did you get in?

**Cooper:** We’re smart enough.

**Cooper:** But don’t expect any miracles, we don’t have any.

**Cassie:** anyone else feel alone?

**Shuri:** me

**Harley:** Ditto

**Harley:** I want to go to NYC!

**Cassie:** what about the new compound opening?

**Cassie:** will u be there?

**Harley:** yeah

**Shuri:** yes

**Wanda:** why am I excited now

**Peter:** because we’re immature

**Cooper:** oh shit

**Cooper:** here we come

* * *

**AVENGERS**

**Clint:** why are my kids laughing

**Clint:** and showing each other their phones

**Clint:** I’m worried.

**Clint:** should I be worried?

**Steve:** Probably.

**Tony:** yes

**T’Challa:** Shuri is also laughing.

**T’Challa:** That is never good.

**Bucky:** Wanda?

**Wanda:** No, nothings wrong

**Natasha:** What did you do?

**Wanda:** Nothing.

**Sam:** Wanda…

**Scott:** Cassie’s texting and snickering. It’s related, isn’t it?

**Wanda:** Kind of.

**Steve:** What did you do?

**_Wanda sent a cropped screenshot from the NEW AVENGERS group chat._ **

**_W.M. Why am I excited?_ **

**_P.P. because we’re immature_ **

**_C.B. oh shit_ **

**_C.B. here we come_ **

**Hope:** what is going on?

**Clint:** so, my kids, Wanda, Peter, who else?

**Wanda:** Everyone but Nate and Morgan. So far.

**Wanda:** Shuri’s there too.

**Natasha:** We’re doomed

**Wanda:** Did I mention Harley.

**Tony:** Damn it.

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**_Wanda sent a screenshot from the Avengers group chat._ **

**_C.B.: so, my kids, Wanda, Peter, who else?_ **

**_W.M.: Everyone but Nate and Morgan. So far._ **

**_W.M.: Shuri’s there too._ **

**_N.R.: We’re doomed_ **

**_W.M.: Did I mention Harley._ **

**_T.S.: Damn it._ **

**Peter:** lets just mess with their heads and actually do nothing

**Lila:** that’s boring.

**Harley:** no it's funny

**Lila:** nvm

**Wanda:** That was a fast 360.

**Cooper:** I explained it

**Wanda:** Oh.

**Harley:** lets do it

**Shuri:** agreed

**Cassie:** my dads staring

**Peter:** do an evil laugh

**_Cassie: Video of her father staring at the camera. From behind the camera, Cassie lets out a creepy cackle. Scott flinches, and the video zooms into his face, just as he mutters under his breath. “Shit, we’re dead.” It ends with Cassie laughing._ **

**Lila:** dad’s doing the same to us.

**Cooper:** No, wait.

**Cooper:** He just walked out, muttering.

**Cooper:** I think Scott warned them.

**Wanda:** He did.

**Wanda:** The Avengers chat is hilarious.

* * *

**AVENGERS**

**Scott:** Cassie just cackled

**Scott:** HELP!!!

**Scott:** How do you survive this shit?

**Tony:** Google it.

**Tony:** That’s how I did it.

**Pepper:** Tony!

**Tony:** Kidding!

**Wanda:** I’m telling them about this.

**Sam:** don’t you dare

**Wanda:** Too late.

**Sam:** fuck

**Bucky:** Language.

**Steve:** Really?

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Cassie:** ‘language’ would be a great meme

**Harley:** imma make it

**Shuri:** YASSS!!!

**Wanda:** What’s a meme?

**Cassie:** what

**Harley:** damn

**Shuri:** Shuri has died

**Peter:** how do you not know?

**Lila:** that explains a lot

**Cooper:** yup

**Wanda:** My parents died, I was an experiment, fought the Avengers fought evil robots, fought a different robot, my brother died, I was a fugitive, was forced to kill my boyfriend and watch him die, and died for five years. And I'm ESL.

**Lila:** accurate

**Shuri: Sends meme of R2-D2 and C-3PO. The caption reads 'C-3PO: says anything. R2-D2: BEEP'**

**Shuri:** that’s a meme

**Wanda:** The word-pictures?

**Cassie:** i’m dying

**Peter:** the decathlon team is staring

**Wanda:** I’ve always called them that.

**Lila:** holy shit

**Lila:** Word-pictures

**Lila:** don’t know why im surprised thou

**Peter:** This is Peter’s teacher. His phone has been taken away, and per school rules, his latest texts will be read aloud, along with your own.

**Shuri:** Hi, I’m a Princess.

**Cooper:** Jesus Christ.

**Cooper:** Shuri, really?

**Cassie:** what if we were talking about top secret government stuff?

**Lila:** cassie shut up!

**Cassie:** why?

**Lila:** because we actually do know about that stuff!

**Wanda:** I just googled how to get away with murder, anyone interested?

**Lila:** is our test subject Peter?

**Wanda:** Maybe.

**Harley:** Peter, I think Lila or Wanda or both are planning to kill you.

**Cassie:** you’re forgetting me

**Shuri:** and me

**Shuri:** Cooper?

**Cooper:** Leave me out of this.

* * *

“Cassie: You’re forgetting me. Shuri: And me. Cooper? Cooper: Leave me out of this.” the teacher looked up from the phone. “Who exactly are these people?”

“Um…” Peter hesitated. “Shuri, Cassie Lang, Lila and Cooper Barton, Harley Keener, and Wanda Maximoff.”

“Yeah right.” Flash snorted.

“Because they’re discussing how to kill you without anyone noticing.”

“I’m not too worried.” Peter said. “Clint and Scott won’t let their kids do it. Shuri and Harley are the ones to keep an eye on, they’re geniuses. And maybe Wanda. Although I think Clint sorta adopted her?"

The man just sighed, and handed the device back. “I can’t deal with this today. Next time, keep your phone off.”

Peter grinned. “Two of them can hack anything. No promises.”

  
  


* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Peter:** im back now

**Cassie:** that was fast

**Peter:** u were threatening to kill me.

**Peter:** I think he wanted plausible deniability

**Lila:** ur welcome

**Cooper:** I would like the record to show that I have no memory of these events.

**Peter:** is anyone on my side?

**Wanda:** No

**Shuri:** nope

**Cassie:** nada

**Lila:** no

**Harley:** ur on your own

**Peter:** i h8 all of u

**Lila:** You’re grammar sucks

**Cooper:** You’re one to talk.

**Cooper:** *your*

**Lila:** fuck off Cooper

**Peter:** anyways....

**Peter:** when are we in the same place again?

**Cassie:** when the compound opens

**Harley:** same

**Harley:** I’m driving there

**Lila:** thats a long way to go

**Harley:** don’t remind me 

**Harley:** ☹️

**Cooper:** Lila, we’re driving too.

**Lila:** fuck

**Wanda:** Me, you two, Nate, and your parents

**Lila:** shit

**Harley:** are you going to say bitch next time?

**Lila:** bastard

**Shuri:** oooooh

**Shuri:** burn

**Harley:** go away

**Shuri:** just put the phone away

**Harley:** I’d give you the finger, but cass and lila are here

**Peter:** Lila’s the one whos swearing

**Lila:** fair

**Cooper:** She’s not allowed to around Nate, or our parents, so she does it over texts instead.

**Harley:** still

**Cassie:** whens the opening again?

**Cassie:** I forget and dad isn’t home now

**Peter:** where is he

**Harley:** next wednesday

**Harley:** I leave monday night

**Harley:** be there tuesday night

**Cassie:** thx

**Cassie:** working with Hope

**Cassie:** I think they’re on a date

**Cassie:** I accept it

**Shuri:** ‘working’?

**Cassie:** I don’t want to know more

**Peter:** smart

**Harley:** you’d know

**Peter:** what?

**Harley:** you don’t know?

**Peter:** know what?

**Harley sent open mouthed pikachu meme.**

**Peter:** not helping!

**Shuri:** whats that?

**Wanda:** A picture

**Harley:** meme

**Shuri:** never seen it

**Wanda:** It doesn’t have words!

**Harley:** you were dead for five years

**Harley:** all of you were dead

**Peter:** thats fair

**Peter:** also why

**Wanda:** What is that?

**Shuri:** a meme

**Wanda:** Meme’s are word-pictures!

**Shuri:** not all of them

**Wanda:** I give up.

**Lila:** ok

**Shuri:** shit, T’Challa’s here!

**Shuri:** he’s trying to read this!

**Cassie:** WE ARE INNOCENT!!!

**Lila:** COMPLETELY!!!

**Cooper:** We’re so dead.

**Cooper:** OW!

**Peter:** Mr. Black Panther sir? Hi.

**Wanda:** That’s almost as bad as Shuri’s ‘Hi. I’m a Princess.’.

**Peter:** says the person who told Thanos ‘you will’

**Harley:** wut?

**Wanda:** That’s irrelevant.

**Shuri:** ACT NORMAL!!!

**Harley:** THIS IS OUR FUCKING NORMAL

**Peter:** my normal is walking on the ceiling

**Lila:** my normal is doing archery at a higher than Olympic level

**Cooper:** my normal is learning how to kick butt

**Cassie:** my normal is trying to steal tech to make myself a Ant-Person suit.

**Wanda:** My normal is having superpowers.

**Harley:** peter already called that one

**Harley:** Cassie, I can help u if u want

**Cassie:** yes please!

**Cassie:** i’ll bring what I have!

**Shuri:** you’re all horrible at this

**Cooper:** You’re welcome.

**Shuri:** kid, honestly

**Shuri:** I can go on and on

**Peter:** I can explain every natural phenomenon

**Harley:** The tide the grass the ground oh

**Lila:** that was maui just messing around 

**Cooper:** I killed an eel 

**Cooper:** I buried its guts

**Shuri:** sprouted a tree now you got coconuts

**Peter:** whats the line?

**Harley:** goddammit peter!

**Peter:** I’m sorry!

**Lila:** it’s impressive how far we got

**Cassie:** how do you even remember that?

**Peter:** we were dead

**Harley:** I have a younger sister

**Lila:** Nate wanted to be a princess when he was younger

**Wanda:** Really?

**Cooper:** Yeah.

**Cooper:** Wore a dress for a week, until he asked what a male princess what called.

**Cooper:** Then he wanted to be Frozone.

**Lila:** also, we didn’t have satellite or cable for a while

**Lila:** DVD’s only

**Cooper:** Moana was the only one that really survived.

**Cooper:** Lila shoot arrows through the center of the disks while they were in the air.

**Cooper:** It was going well by the time How to Train Your Dragon died.

**Lila:** rip

**Shuri:** i remember bc it annoys my brother

**Shuri:** and as the younger sib its my job to bug him

**Shuri:** it’s a rule

**Peter:** really?

**Harley:** older sibling must also annoy younger one

**Lila:** both of them are right

**Cooper:** Shuri’s right.

**Wanda:** Harley is correct.

**Cassie:** i’m an only child.

**Peter:** ditto

**Peter:** does everyone else have siblings?

**Harley:** we’re all basically adopted into each other's families at this point

**Harley:** some1 make it offical

**Wanda:** I, Wanda, blah, blah, blah, declare, blah, blah, blah.

**Wanda:** We're all related now.

**Cooper:** True.

**Cassie:** wow

**Cassie:** is this what having siblings is like?

**Lila:** no

**Lila:** they’re stupid

**Cooper:** I’m right here!

**Lila:** believe me

**Lila:** I know

**Cooper:** Dad and Mum had to have two more kids. They just had too.

**Lila:** jerk

**Shuri:** I’m ganna try to convince my bro to let me come earlier

**Harley:** ganna?

**Shuri:** don’t make me hurt you I killed aliens

**Lila:** lucky

**Lila:** wait really?

**Peter:** she was kind scary

**Peter:** she just randomly ran up to me in the battle and shouted ‘I killed it!’

**Shuri:** i did

**Peter:** and then like all the girls joined up, and it was actually by accident, and I was so scared of them it was amazing and grape face tried to head-butt carol and it did nothing and it was awesome

**Harley:** wish I could have been there

**Lila:** same

**Cooper:** Ditto.

**Wanda:** I was there.

**Cassie:** Ditto

**Cassie:** isn’t that a Pokemon

**Peter:** yeah

**Shuri:** Gotta catch em all!

**Peter:** POKEMON!

**Wanda:** I have no idea.

**Lila:** WHAT??

**Cooper:** Oh, no again.

**Shuri:** HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW!!!

**Wanda:** I HAD A ROUGH CHILDHOOD OKAY

**Peter:** SO DID I BUT I KNOW WHO SQUIRTLE IS

**Wanda:** MY PARENTS DIED

**Peter:** SAME

**Wanda:** MY TWIN DIED

**Peter:** okay fair

**Cooper:** Tell me you know what Star Wars is.

**Wanda:** The movies in space with the lazer swords?

**Cooper:** Thank God.

**Cooper:** We can save her!

**Lila:** NO WAY

**Lila:** YOU ARE NOT INFECTING WANDA WITH YOUR BULLSHIT

**Cassie:** you don’t like Star Wars?

**Cooper:** She hates it.

**Peter:** bye

**Harley:** same

**Shuri:** I’m bringing all of the movies, we’re gonna convert her

**Cassie:** k

**Lila:** hell no!

**Shuri:** too late

**Shuri:** Lila?

**Shuri:** hello?

**Harley:** Cooper?

**Cooper:** She threw her phone on the couch and marched away.

**Lila:** I’m stupid.

**Cooper:** She’s gonna kill me.

**Peter:** hahaha

**Shuri:** mess things up

**Cooper:** Shit, she’s coming back.

**Lila:** I love Star Wars! May the Force be with you!

**Peter:** Cooper?

**Shuri:** he dead?

**Harley:** i think so

**Cassie:** rip

**Shuri:** rip

**Harley:** rip

**Peter:** rip

**Lila:** you’re all dead

**Shuri:** damnit

**Shuri:** maybe I won’t come to NYC

**Peter:** oh no

**Peter:** if i die, you do too

**Shuri:** yep, uh-huh, right

**Peter:** jerk

**Cassie:** this is great

**Lila:** you’re dead too

**Cassie:** shit

**Harley:** how old are you

**Cassie:** eleven

**Harley:** how’d you learn to swear

**Cooper:** Hello? Lila.

**Lila:** I’m Lila.

**Peter:** youre forgetting

**Peter:** tony taught Morgan shit

**Lila:** so im better

**Wanda:** Not by much, but yes.

**Cassie:** actually Hope

**Wanda:** That’s unexpected.

**Cassie:** she didn’t notice me in the room

**Cassie:** she was trying to fix her suit

**Cassie:** speaking of I have Janets old one

**Cassie:** you think we can make it work for me

**Harley:** do you fit in it?

**Cassie** : its a bit big

**Peter:** we’ll make it work

**Shuri:** yes, we have three very smart people, a witch, and the barton siblings.

**Shuri:** i think it’ll work out

**Cassie:** perfect

**Cassie:** gtg, dads here for my dentist appointment

**Wanda:** What’s gtg?

**Peter:** got to go

**Wanda:** Bye.

**Shuri:** oh my god

**Wanda:** But the letters don’t work with that.

**Lila:** don’t know why the letters are wrong, but yeah. Gtg means oh my god.

**Cooper:** Totally.

**Cassie:** Yep.

**Wanda:** Thanks.

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Wanda:** Can I swear?

**Lila:** what the fuck happened now

**Cooper:** ^

**Peter:** you realize im still in school

**Shuri:** you realize im just ignoring Wakanda's daylight cycle right now

**Lila:** shut up shuri thats your choice

**Lila:** peter thats fair

**Shuri:** :(

**Cassie:** what happened

**Wanda:** Do you guys know who Thunderbolt Ross is?

**Lila:** fuck

**Cooper:** Shit.

**Harley:** what

**Peter:** that guy on the tv with the accords

**Wanada:** Google exists for a reason people.

**Cassie:** whos this person

**Wanda:** A major asshole.

**Harley:** you know its bad when wanda swears

**Shuri:** yup

**Peter:** what about him

**Wanda:** He wants the accords to go back into play.

**Wanda:** The Avengers disbanded during the Snap, and everyone just forgot about the entire civil war thing.

**Peter:** i ahve a bad feeling

**Cooper:** Peter, what grade are you in?

**Peter:** Ten.

**Cooper:** And you can't spell 'have'?

**Peter:** what

**Cassie:** wikapedia isnt helping

**Cassie:** guys

**Lila:** reread your messages

**Peter:** damn it

**Wanda:** ANYWAYS

**Cassie:** guys!

**Wanda:** He's coming to the compound when we're there.

**Wanda:** And he's going to be a Grade-A asshole.

**Cooper:** Lila, what's sad is that Wanda, who's ESL, has better grammer and English language skills then you.

**Lila:** f u

**Cassie:** whos he

**Cassie:** wikapeida not helping

**Cassie:** guys

**Lila:** your dad there

**Cassie:** yea

**Lila:** ask him, it's easier


	2. Part II

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Lila:** hey

**Harley:** hi

**Shuri:** it’s late

 **Shuri:** again

**Lila:** f off

**Shuri:** same to you

**Cassie:** hey, whats up

**Harley:** the sun?

**Wanda:** True.

**Cooper:** Where’s Pete?

**Lila:** yeah

 **Lila:** Pete?

**Peter:** school

 **Peter:** ttyl

**Wanda:** What’s ttyl?

**Lila:** Time To Yell Loudly

**Wanda:** Really?

**Cooper:** She’s messing with you. Talk To You Later.

**Wanda:** Thanks.

 **Wanda:** Peter?

**Peter:** not now, I got stuff to do

**Wanda:** Okay, teen angst.

**Cassie:** what’s that?

**Lila:** how do you know what that is?

**Wanda:** I don’t, Tony said something about it.

**Cassie:** whats angst

**Cooper:** Cassie, we’ll tell you when you’re older.

**Cassie:** im older now

**Cooper:** A few years older.

**Cassie:** spoilsport

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Harley:** question

**Cassie:** yes?

**Harley:** can we mess with them anyways

**Cassie:** i vote yes

**Wanda:** I’m with Bumblebee

**Cassie:** we’re not calling me that

**Wanda:** You can’t be Wasp.

 **Wanda:** And Ant-Girl sounds stupid.

**Cassie:** I was thinking Stinger?

**Wanda:** That’s cool

**Peter:** Stinger is neat

 **Peter:** also

 **Peter:** i have sulfur

**Harley:** where’d you get it

**Peter:** stole it

**Lila:** im down

**Cooper:** Why not?

**Harley:** from where

**Peter:** school

 **Peter:** duh

**Harley:** Shuri?

**Cassie:** she’s asleep, remember?

**Harley:** oh shit right

**Cooper:** Can you hear the drumming?

 **Cooper:** There's a revolution coming!

**Wanda:** What’s that from?

**Cooper:** I honestly have no idea.

* * *

**Six Hours Later…**

**Shuri:** holy fuck I’m ready for this

 **Shuri:** guys?

 **Shuri:** right, time difference

 **Shuri:** imma work on the prank

**Harley:** in your own words bitch; im sleeping go away

**Shuri:** fuck off

**Harley:** gladly, I’m at a shitty motel

**Shuri:** serves you right

* * *

**Shuri:** my brother is watching me very carefully

**Cassie:** what you gonna do about it

**Shuri:** suggestions?

**Lila:** stare back until he freaks out

**Cooper:** Offer him toast.

**Wanda:** Ask if he’s dead yet.

 **Wanda:** Also, Cooper what?

**Cooper:** Toast.

 **Cooper:** You know.

 **Cooper:** Slightly burned bread.

**Wanda:** I know what toast is.

**Shuri:** Peter? Harley?

**Lila:** are they dead?

**Cooper:** You need a grammar book.

**Shuri:** I’ll bring one

**Cooper:** Thanks!

 **Cooper:** Bring one for yourself, too.

 **Cooper:** And one for Peter and Cassie.

**Shuri:** Maybe I won’t bring one…

 **Shuri:** Kidding! I will.

**Lila:** i hate you both

**Peter:** not dead

 **Peter:** in class

**Lila:** oh

**Shuri:** im gonna stare at him

 **Shuri:** and smile

* * *

**AVENGERS**

**Tony:** Anyone know what the kids are up to

**Clint:** no

 **Clint:** we’re in the car, they can’t do anything too drastic

**Hope:** you’ve clearly never met Cassie

**Clint:** what does she do

**Scott:** sing random pop songs

 **Scott:** it’s adorable

**Hope:** She also brings silly string and sprays it everywhere

**Scott:** that was one time

**Hope:** one time too many

**Tony:** are your parents coming, Hope?

**Hope:** yes

**Tony:** oh. okay then.

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Shuri:** he left

 **Shuri:** to pack I think

**Lila:** Shuri?

**Cooper:** Oh, she’s using correct grammar. Oh no.

**Shuri:** yes?

**Lila:** He’s your brother.

**Cassie:** i'm excited

**Shuri:** yep

**Lila:** So you have blackmail?

**Cooper:** I take it back.

**Shuri:** of course I have blackmail!

**Lila:** So…

**Shuri:** …

 **Shuri:** oh.

**Shuri sent video of T’Challa kicking a Black Panther uniform, only to be sent flying backwards. The clip ends with Shuri laughing and her brother ordering her to delete the footage.**

**Lila:** YES!!!

**Shuri:** don’t let him know

 **Shuri:** Nakia has it too

 **Shuri:** secretly

**Cooper:** That’s great.

 **Cooper:** 🙂

**Wanda:** Cassie, where are you?

**Cassie:** in the car…

**Wanda:** What’s this about silly string?

**Cooper:** What?

**Cassie:** I THOUGHT IT WAS AIR FRESHENER OKAY?

**Lila:** that’s awesome

 **Lila:** we’re at a gas station

**Cooper:** Mom’s busy keeping Nate from stealing gummies.

 **Cooper:** Wanda's learning how to use the gas pump.

**Lila:** she forgot about us

**Wanda:** You’re storelifting?

**Peter:** isn't cell phone use by gas pumps bad?

**Cooper:** Shoplifting, and only kinda. We left cash on the counter.

 **Cooper:** And Peter, probably.

**Lila:** were in the back of the car now

 **Lila:** you can have a pack of those fish gummies if you don’t tell

**Wanda:** Deal.

 **Wanda:** *we’re*

**Lila:** says the girl who is english second language

**Cooper:** Says the girl who can’t spell.

**Harley:** how do you know how to shoplift

 **Harley:** and why

**Cooper:** Our dads Hawkeye.

 **Cooper:** He had strange ideas about what homeschooling included.

**Wanda:** Yeah, they taught me how to sneak into other countries.

**Cassie:** im jealous

**Lila:** u can shrink

**Cassie:** only a few times

 **Cassie:** and your trained

**Cooper:** *you’re*

**Cassie:** go away!

**Peter:** I can walk on walls

**Lila:** shut up we know

**Peter:** you’re mean

**Lila:** I know

 **Lila:** shit moms back

**Cassie:** i'm hungry

**Harley:** can't help

 **Harley:** talk to your dad

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
**

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Wanda:** Where are all of you?

**Cassie:** working on sut

**Cooper:** Suit.

**Cassie:** whatever

**Shuri:** I have disabled the AI and locked myself in my room. If you wish to enter, the code is -161.

**Lila:** wut

**Shuri:** There is a calcualtor on the door. Enter any equation that will equal negative 161 and you will be able to enter.

**Harley:** omw

**Wanda:** What’s OMW?

**Lila:** Oh, a Muppet World

**Wanda:** What’s a Muppet?

**Peter:** u believe her?

**Wanda** : Of course not, now what’s a Muppet?

**Shuri sent a YouTube link to a video of the Swedish Chef making popcorn.**

**Shuri:** That guys one of the Muppets.

**Cassie:** coop, where are u?

 **Cassie:** Harley said we need supervision before I can shrink

 **Cassie:** and shuri's gone

**Cooper:** Vents.

**Harley:** omg

 **Harley:** who raised you?

**Cooper:** Didn’t we go over this already?

**Lila:** for the record, im here too

 **Lila:** it’s shockingly clean

**Peter:** why are u in the vents?

**Lila:** bc

**Wanda:** Okay, the Muppets are weird.

**Shuri:** Yes. Yes they are.

**Cooper:** Because no one comes up here Peter, other than our dad, he’s the one who told us to go in them if we needed to hide or something, what do you think?

 **Cooper:** Because there's candy here?

**Peter:** oh.

 **Peter:** and maybe?

**Lila:** honestly, what kind of childhood did you have?

**Peter:** a semi-normal one

**Cassie:** ditto

**Shuri:** POKEMON

**Cooper:** I want to be the very best.

 **Cooper:** Like no one ever was

**Lila:** to catch them is my real test

 **Lila:** to train them is my cause

**Wanda:** I’m Googling this. Keep going.

**Peter:** I will travel across the land

 **Peter:** Searching far and wide

**Shuri:** I will travel across the land

 **Shuri:** searching far and wide

**Cooper** : Each pokemon to understand the power thats inside

 **Cooper:** (Wanda, it’s your turn!)

**Wanda:** Pokemon, (gotta catch them all) it's you and me

 **Wanda:** I know it's my destiny (Pokemon)

**Lila:** oh your my best friend

 **Lila:** in a world we must defend

**Cooper:** GOTTA CATCH EM ALL

**Cassie:** POKEMON 

**Wanda:** No, seriously, where are you guys?

**Peter:** hanging with a friend

 **Peter:** friends

**Cassie:** struggling with shuris lock

 **Cassie:** Harley wont help

 **Cassie:** how do you get -?

**Cooper:** I keep forgetting you're like, ten.

**Cassie:** eleven!

**Shuri:** I’ll let you in.

**Cassie:** (:

**Harley:** runing the fuck away from the adults, shuri locked me out

**Wanda:** A worthy cause.

**Harley:** If I find u, you’re dead shuri.

 **Harley:** u 2 wanda

**Wanda:** I’m so scared.

**Harley:** bitch

**Lila:** HEY!!!

 **Lila:** LANGUAGE

**Cooper:** Says the girl who swears all the time.

**Lila:** dont make me give you a makover

**Cooper:** Makeover.

 **Cooper** : You forgot the ‘E’ after the ‘K’.

**Lila:** shit

**Peter:** wanda, did u copy from wikapedia or something?

**Wanda:** Maybe…?

**Cassie:** I only know the last line

**Peter:** and you had the normal childhood!

**Cassie:** my dad was in prison

**Peter:** my dad was dead

**Harley:** MY DAD ABANDONED ME

**Wanda:** MY PARENTS ARE DEAD

**Peter:** SO ARE MINE

**Shuri:** MY DADS DEAD

**Cooper:** Looking at this, I realize that my childhood was in some ways normal.

**Lila:** rrly?

**Cooper:** Yes, I believe so.

**Peter:** MY UNCLE IS DEAD TO

**Wanda:** MY TWIN DIED

**Cassie:** didnt we arleady have this arguemtn

**Harley:** yeah

**Cassie:** thought so

**Wanda:** Can we make the Pokemon song a thing now?

**Harley:** all in agreement say ‘i’

**Shuri:** i

**Peter:** i

**Lila:** i

**Cooper:** i

**Wanda:** i

**Cassie:** i

**Harley:** its a thing now

* * *

**Later…**

The group was sitting around in the main area of the Compound, spread across the furniture and floor, paper plates of food with plastic knives and forks holding their dinners.

The conversation was pleasant, until Scott gasped with excitement while talking to Sam, and cried out.

“Ditto! Me too!”

All the kids shared a glance, smiles starting to show on their faces. Shuri shouted first. “Pokemon!”

Then, Lila, her voice off key, started singing, the others joining in right away.

_I want to be the very best._

_Like no one ever was_

_To catch them is my real test_

_To train them is my cause_

_I will travel across the land_

_Searching far and wide_

_I will travel across the land_

_Searching far and wide_

_Each pokemon to understand_

_The power that’s inside_

_Pokemon, it's you and me_

_I know it's my destiny_

_Oh, you’re my best friend_

_In a world we must defend_

_Gotta catch ‘em all!_

_Pokemon!_

They started laughing when Cassie shouted the last word, all of the adults staring, until T’Challa finally spoke up, clearly confused by what they’d just done.

“What is a ‘Pokemon’?”

“Shit, it’s Star Wars all over again!” Harley yelled, sending them into another round of laughter. Morgan, perched on the couch’s armrest, who had been watching with interest, perked up at the curse.

“Shit.” she parroted, causing the giggles to rise up again in full force.

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Peter:** hey is anyone here good with secrets

**Harley:** no

**Shuri:** no

**Lila:** i wuz a secret

**Cooper:** Somewhat?

**Wanda:** Yes.

**Cassie:** YES

**Peter:** K, thx, bye

**Harley:** what just happened

**Shuri:** No idea.

**Lila:** hey, do any of u have Game Pigeon?

**Cooper:** Yes.

**Lila:** shut up, u don’t count

**Cassie:** maybe?

**Shuri:** yes

**Harley:** yeah

**Wanda:** What’s Game Pigeon?

**Lila:** join us in Shuri’s room

 **Lila:** we’ll show u

* * *

**AVENGERS**

**Sam:** should the kids be yelling death threats at each other

**Pepper:** Which kids and where?

**Laura:** Our kids do that daily.

**Steve:** Repeat that please?

**Sam:** i walked past Shuri’s room and Lila is threatening to murder Harley, and Cassie is agreeing

 **Sam:** i hauled ass out of there after i heard that

**Natasha:** Wanda?

**Wanda:** Crazy 8’s.

**Tony:** Game Pigeon?

****

**Wanda:** I think?

 **Wanda:** Lila keeps joking that the Pigeon is a dick because someone threw a controller at it, but that just confused me more.

**Bucky:** I’m so confused.

**Hope:** oh god, who’s winning?

**T’Challa:** That is what you ask?

**Hope:** yes

**Wanda:** Um…

 **Wanda:** Lila and Shuri are tied with four wins each, Cooper at three, Harley and Cassie at one each, and I have lost every time.

**Hope:** huh

 **Hope:** usually she does better

**Wanda:** Does she usually threaten people with murder and team up with others to give you a hundred cards all at once?

**Scott:** no why?

**Hope:** yes

**Wanda:** If I were to knock her out, would you be mad?

**Scott:** yes why?

**Hope:** Don’t you dare Wanda.

 **Hope:** You will regret it.

**Wanda:** How are you terrifying over text messages?

**Hope:** It’s a talent.

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Cassie:** BREEKING NEWS!!!!

**Cooper:** You forgot the ‘A’. It’s ‘Breaking’.

**Cassie:** BREAKING NEWS!!!!

**Cooper:** Much better. (:

 **Cooper:** What is it?

**Cassie:** I’m staying in NYC!!!

**Peter:** wait wut?

**Cassie:** dad says that the avengers need help so were staying for a long time

**Shuri:** aw

 **Shuri:** i have to leave

**Harley:** dude

 **Harley:** i do too

 **Harley:** stop whinning

**Shuri:** I advise you not to piss off the Princess.

**Cassie:** i aduvise u to piss off the prncess.

 **Cassie:** i think itll be funny

**Cooper:** Sometimes, your spelling is amazing for your age. Then, you type things like that, and I feel sad.

**Lila:** make cooper feel sad plz i beg u!

**Cassie:** im staying away from u2 right now

**Wanda:** You’re shockingly smart.

**Cooper:** Have you seen her grammar?

**Wanda:** I was talking about survival instincts.

**Peter:** hey, are we doing the song thing with ‘You’re Welcome’ like we did with Pokemon?

**Shuri:** i

**Harley:** i

**Cooper:** Yep.

**Wanda:** So, I need to learn that song too?

**Lila:** pretty much

**Wanda:** Got it.

* * *

****

"Okay." Harley said, adjusting the video camera, focusing it. He crouched in front of it, and started talking. "The date is something, I don't remember. This is test number one of--"

He turned, and shouted off-screen. "What we calling this?"

Shuri called back. "Operation Sting!"

"'Kay!" Harley turned back to the camera. "Test one of Operation Sting. We've fitted the old Wasp suit to Cass's body, and everything appears to be in order. We've got Janet here in case things go sideways."

"Don't they always?" Peter asked from behind an impromptu barricade in the background, popping up for a moment. Lila put a hand on his head and pushed him down, using him like an armrest.

"Ignore him, please continue."

Harley pulled away from the screen, and kept talking. "We're also recording this on Kimoyo Beads, which Shuri's given each of us a set." he dangled his left wrist in front of the camera to demonstrate, shaking them gently. "They're awesome."

There was a shout of 'duh!' from Shuri, and then a couple of background noises, before Cassie stepped into frame. The camera zoomed out to show one of the unused labs--not the one that the helmet had blown up in--and the New Avengers, as they'd started calling themselves, hiding around, using tables on their sides as barricades, and DUM-E, wearing a dunce cap, holding a fire extinguisher, where Morgan and Nate sat, colouring more dunce caps.

Lila had a bow and hip quiver for some reason, along with a small chest plate, Cooper in a uniform similar to hers, and the others in regular clothes. Peter had a pair of plastic goggles on too, but everyone else could not look less prepared.

"Test one." Janet called. "Shrinking and growing. Wing use test. And... go!"

Cassie activated the suit, and vanished. Someone--Peter--shouted. "Awesome!"

Shuri stepped into frame, holding her bracelet to her mouth, like a communicator. "Cassie, can you hear me? Testing, one, two three."

"I can hear you without the com!" the girl called back, voice echoing through the beads. "It's like an echo!"

"That's normal." Janet reported. "Communication systems are functioning. Try the wings."

There was a yelp, and then a scream, followed by Janet jumping into frame, shrinking down in midair. Harley zoomed in, focusing the camera on a tiny flying thing zipping around erratically near the floor.

"This is scary!" Cassie shouted. "And amazing! Janet, help!"

A second blur joined the first, which was moving around erratically. The next few minutes consisted of Janet teaching Cassie how to use the wings properly, and then they grew back to normal size.

The footage ended.

****

* * *

**Twenty-Four Hours Later...**

**AVENGERS**

**Tony:** they got the suit working

**Hope:** good for them

**Scott:** are we not worried about this?

**Hank:** yes

**Steve:** Not really.

**Wanda:** Janet was supervising.

 **Wanda:** We did tests and everything, we have footage.

**Janet:** She's very talented.

 **Janet:** And fearless.

**Sam:** so now we have a nine year old who can shrink and fly around

**Wanda:** She's almost twelve.

**Scott:** Eleven.

**Sam:** Whatever.

 **Sam:** tic tac was annoying enough

 **Sam:** then you've got three others

 **Sam:** and now her

**Hank:** And Ghost.

**Wanda:** Ava?

**Hank:** How do you know that?

**Wanda:** Cass.

**Clint:** that guy who worked for SHIELD

**Scott:** Ava Starr

 **Scott** : yes

 **Scott:** she didn't like it btw

 **Scott:** where is Cassie now

**Janet:** I have no idea.

 **Janet:** Tony appeared, they all vanished.

**Clint:** that explains a lot about ghost

**Nat:** they're getting good at that.

**Tony:** too good

 **Tony:** all I have is a camera

 **Tony:** they wiped the footage

**Wanda:** Only on the camera.

**Tony:** wheres the rest?

**Wanda:** Trade secret.

**T'Challla:** Shuri brought Kimoyo Beads here.

**Tony:** what the fucks that

**T'Challa:** Wakanda's version of the iPhone.

**Tony** : for fucks sake

 **Tony:** can it record shit

****

**T'Challa:** Yes.

**Wanda:** They're fantastic.

**Rhody:** To sum it up, they now have Wakanda phones, a shrinking/flying suit, spider-kid, the Barton siblings, Shuri, and what else?

**Wanda:** We're working on an Iron Man suit for Harley. And you forgot me.

**Sam:** for fucks sake

**Tony:** better not touch my stuff

**Pepper:** How many things have blown up yet?

**Wanda:** The helmet didn't blow up, it set the table on fire and then Lila's hair.

 **Wanda:** And we got a new table.

 **Wanda:** Took forever to assemble the fucking thing, by the way.

 **Wanda:** And we're not touching your stuff, we're doing it on our own.

**Clint:** you swore

 **Clint:** you actually swore

**Wanda:** I've been around Lila for a couple weeks now, it was bound to happen at some point.

**Sam:** fuck

**Wanda:** Didn't you already say that?

**Sam:** it fucking bears repeating Wanda

****

* * *

**NEW AVENGERS**

**Peter:** can any of you drive

**Cooper:** Don't you have a licence?

**Peter:** do you

**Lila:** we don't have fucking birth cirtificates

 **Lila:** benefits of dads life

**Cooper:** Lila, really?

**Lila:** fuck off

 **Lila:** or any records at all

**Peter:** so that's a no

 **Peter:** shuri?

**Shuri:** for a hovercraft

 **Shuri:** and i crashed a car in korea remotely once

**Cassie:** that's a no

 **Cassie:** and im eleven

**Wanda:** I don't. Never got around to it.

**Harley:** Am I the only one who can drive here?

**Peter:** I mean, I can, just not legally

**Shuri:** ^

**Cassie:** /\

**Cooper:** Pretty much.

**Harley:** Meet in the garage.


End file.
